Journey Coaching and Counseling Services

18023 Sky Park Circle, Suite G, Irvine, CA 92614

Call Dr. Miller at

714-296-8052

located near the John Wayne Airport in orange county

Click here for a map and directions

 
 
You may have heard the phrase, “Anger is a feeling and feelings aren’t good or bad... they just are.”  Feelings of anger can cause people to behave in ways that can lead to trouble at work, in relationships, and with the legal system.  So it is easy to see why people often mistakenly view anger as bad.   I would challenge the idea of “feelings aren’t good or bad, they just are.”  I believe that anger is a good feeling that signals us when our human rights are being violated in some way. It is used as a defense against whoever or whatever may be triggering the feeling that we are being violated in some way. However, sometimes that defense can be used ineffectively or destructively. When someone calls me for help with “anger management,” they usually ask for help in managing the feeling, with the hope that their behavior won’t keep getting them into trouble.   Somehow, they have been given the idea that the feeling of anger is “wrong” and must be “managed” or altogether discarded.  This is especially so if they are forced to seek therapy under threat of divorce, separation, break-up, jail-time, etc., “because of their anger issues.” Dr. Miller’s Approach to Anger Management My approach to helping someone who wants to do anger management therapy is one in which we collaboratively work on understanding how anger is currently being used to express frustrations around feeling violated in their relationships or in certain situations. Anger, the feeling, is not what is causing the problem, it is the ineffective expression and use of their anger. Together, we will redefine ideas around anger and associated behaviors.  This may include looking at what was learned about anger and the expression of it in your childhood home.  The “angry” person usually states that they are worried about giving up their “right” to be angry when someone or some situation “makes them mad.”  We will explore how avoiding the feeling will only lead to passive-aggressive behaviors, and thus, is not the answer either. Together, we will identify those situations that trigger their feelings of anger.  What I usually hear is that there has been a violation of a human right of some sort, which leads someone to feel very angry.  The resultant behaviors seem to be an attempt to stop the violation from continuing.  However, as stated earlier, depending on what was learned from their childhood models, these attempts can be extremely ineffective, and sometimes, destructive to the person feeling violated and angry, and to the violating person. As we identify areas of violation, we will explore more effective ways of expressing feelings about being violated. My approach to “anger management” is really about helping clients listen to their symptoms (i.e. angry feelings) and what these symptoms are trying to tell them, then teaching them how to redirect that anger so that they can effectively stop the violating situation from occurring and reoccurring. Once you learn to pay attention to the symptoms and understand the purpose of them, you will be able to manage your behaviors more effectively when you feel violated.  You will learn to regulate the “fight” response that kicks into high gear when the brain perceives a violation or threat.  You will learn that as long as you can regulate the “fight or flight response system”, you can keep both sides of the brain talking, allowing you to access the most effective and non-destructive expression of your anger.   You will learn how to assert yourself without aggressive behaviors. If you, or someone you know, is struggling with “anger issues”, I would like to help.  Email me at journeyccs@sbcglobal.net or call me at 714-296-8052 to set up an appointment. mailto:journeyccs@sbcglobal.net?subject=I%20would%20like%20to%20set%20up%20an%20appointmentshapeimage_1_link_0

Anger Management Work With Dr. Miller

18023 Sky Park Circle, Ste. G, Irvine, CA 92614

714-296-8052


We are conveniently located in Irvine, near the Orange County airport, easy access to the

5, 55, 73, and 405 freeways.